Thursday, March 02, 2006

Product placement day!

I woke up early because I couldn’t sleep because I have a fucking head cold, and then I had to wait around for an hour and a half before I could go to The Better Health store and buy some cold season feel better stuff. The Better Health Store was open, but you couldn’t buy anything because we are having an ice storm, and their computers were down. So I drove across town to Foods For Living in order to buy my cold season supplies. All I wanted was a box of Celestial Seasoning’s Throat Soothers Tea, but I guess that’s too mainstream for Foods For Living, because they didn’t have it. So instead I had to buy Yogi Honey Lemon Throat Comfort Tea, which I’m sure is going to taste like ass because all Yogi brand tea tastes like ass…I think you’re suppose to meditate on the suffering of the human condition when you drink it or something.

Actually…I just made my first cup, I’ll tell you exactly how it tastes. Hmmm…fore notes of last season’s dead leaves rotting on the forest floor, with a musty lemon left too long in the refridgerator overtone, and that mucilaginous slippery elm aftertaste. Yum yum, a big hot cup of compost.

Also, my least favorite thing about Yogi tea, which I forgot about until just this second (my least favorite thing after the fact that they all taste like ass and come packaged in individual little wrappers with strings on them…excess packaging…so not a Yogi thing to do) is that they have little phrases on the tabs on the end of the string (you know the “dunking up and down, something to fiddle with while you wait for you tea to be tea” tabs). I’m not sure if these are supposed to be like fortune cookie things, or like a phrase to meditate on instead of dunking your tea bag up and down, or an aphorism or what. The one in my cup right now says “Keep up” and it has a period after it, like it’s a sentence. Keep up what? Keep it up? Argh. I should have just not bought any tea, and suffered my sore throat in silence….except that suffering in silence is not some thing Ragnar does.

I also purchased a box of Emer’gen-C, Tangerine , and three 1.5 liter bottles of Smart Water (because nothing says “globally conscious” like water that’s been distilled and then had minerals added back into it, what do I expect it is a Coca-Cola subsidary, sorry no link for CC, they can do their own product placement). I was also going to buy a chocolate bar, because health food stores always have the best chocolate bars, but then I told myself that I was sick and that sick people don’t eat chocolate.

Then I went to Rite-Aid (same for RA, you can do your own product placement) and bought some Advil Cold and Sinus, because let’s face it, ever since they made Mau Hung illegal, none of that herbal shit will do a thing for you…except maybe help you to meditate on the suffering of the human condition.

Okay! That’s all for product placement day.

Hey! Guess what I’m wearing? I hesitate to mention it because I don’t have any way of getting a photo of it up at the moment, since Dready is leaving for France in a few days and taking her digital camera with her (damn her!). But you’ve already guessed what it is anyway, so I might as well tell you. Yes! Skull shrug! I spent most of my day off knitting around and around and around and (miracle!) had just enough yarn to complete what I have been calling the “collar” but what I should probably call “the body band” it goes behind the neck, over the shoulder, under the arms and around the back…and is 300+ stitches around. Talk about a boring thing to knit (2, purl 2), but it’s done! Yay! And I’m actually quite happy with it, despite the fact that at one point yesterday Manimal asked me, “Where did you get this pattern?” and I answered “I’m making it up as I go along,” to which he answered “hmm” by which he meant “I thought so.”

Also, I am SOOO over bamboo yarn. Seems like a good idea at the time, but actually not that great.

Now I’m having the reaction that I have every time I finish a large and longstanding project. “Oh no! I need a new big project!” Which is of course, ridiculous, because I could spend 3 months finishing all of my little projects…but what if I got a really long stretch of time (this will never happen) and I finished all the projects that I brought with me (again, fantasy) and I was somewhere that I couldn’t spin (hello? Drop spindle, remember me?) and I didn’t have enough yarn to start on anything new (ha ha). What would I knit then? I might go crazy staring at the wall with nothing to do!

Several years ago I decided that the perfect number of projects to have started at any given time was 3. One big complicated project like a cabled sweater or lace shawl to work on at home, or on long trips or anywhere that it’s not inconvenient to bring a huge wad of unfinished knitting with you. One little project that will fit in a backpack, like a sock or a hat, that you can bring with you when you have to go and stand out in the rain and watch rat girl play soccer, or when you get dragged a long on an endless trip to Home Despot. And one project to work on when you get too drunk to work on the other two projects and you might fuck one of them up. So here’s me making a solemn oath (a solid oaf?) that I will not start a new knitting project until I get back down to my three project minimum…the holy trinity as it were. Okay and here’s me slightly modifying that promise by saying that it does not include projects that are too fucked up to work on, like brother-in-law’s gloves, or projects that never should have been started in the first place like pink handspun merino bikinis…’cause those are like “non” projects, right? Right.

Outstanding at the mo’ and by outstanding I mean yarn purchased with a purpose in mind.

“we call them pirates” hat
Status: Almost finished, just have to decide what I’m going to do about the lining. This will be the "in the bag project"

“rat girl pink and skull” scarf
Status: Was waiting for co-worker to loan me yarn bobbins for intarsia skulls, but realized after doing “we call them pirates” that those skulls are too small to bother with intarsia anyway, and I should just get off my ass and do it. This is the next up "in the bag project" or designated bagger as it were.

“mega noodle” hat
A hat with many multi-colored I-cord dreadlocks made up of all the odd little bits of yarn that I have spun over the last few years and have no idea what to do with.
Status: Approximately half way done…problem being that it is too cumbersome to take anywhere since it involves about 50 small balls of yarn, I guess this one just got nominated to be my “at home” project.

“Ragnar’s killer cable” socks
Socks to rival the one’s I made for Manimal two Halloween’s ago. Why should I put that much work into Manimal socks and not have any for me? Uhm…because Manimal takes way better care of his clothes that you do Ragnar…oh yeah.
Status: Decided I didn’t like the yarn I chose for the stripe color about 6 inches into one cuff (these are going to be knee highs with a fold over cuff) and then I wanted the needles for something else so I pulled them out and the cuff is sitting in my yarn basket looking very sad and forelorn.

Felted bag
I have the yarn and I have…some ideas, but I don’t actually have a clue.

Flip flop socks
I just need more of these, I only made one pair and they are always dirty, because it’s February in Michigan and we are having an ice storm…you know, flip flop weather. I think I’m going to repurpose the yarn that would have been the stripe in “Ragnar’s Killer Cable Socks” and make at least one pair maybe two. It is sort of…white though, which means they will look really awful after about 15 minutes. Perhaps a dye-bath is in order. I think the Flip Flop Sock will be the designated drunkend knitting project, because other than the heel and the toe it is essentially endless rounds of stockinette.

Okay…that’s actually not that bad. As long as we don’t talk about the “dead” projects it almost seems manageable. And spinning projects, let’s not talk about those either…or the fact that we are trying to get the house finished, or the fact that my quilting machine has developed a personality problem.

Or the fact that I’m sick as a dog and drinking compost flavored tea.

Ragnar…sick in the head.

PS (in a "does my ass look big in this dress, tell the truth" tone of voice) Do you think my posts are to long? You'd tell me if I was getting boring right?


Inky said...

I made it til the end of your post. Probably because I have a head cold too and it's either read blogs or lay in bed (pondering my less-than-human condition of late).

Feel better, Mr. Inky is from Kalamazoo and misses your weather. I think he's insane.

Ragnar said...

In case you were wondering, my second cup of compost told me:

"Recognize that you are the truth"

Do the little Yogi's sit around in the lotus position at their conference table and think up stupid shit to write on their tea bags...I just have to know, what will the next one be.

"Grace brings contentment."

Shows what they know. Contentment comes from large bottles of intoxicating liquid that has been aged in oak barrels, and who the hell is Grace anyway?

Thanks Inky, I hope you feel better too.

A Large Slice of Cake said...

Oh my gosh, I have a cold with a sore throat, too! After two days with homoepathic stuff and it only getting worse, I went for the Thera-Flu. What do you know--they have Cold and Sore Throat as one of their combos! I lead a charmed life. I'll tell you how mine work out. How are your remedies remediating you?

~ Cake

Beverley said...


Hope you are starting to feel better now!
No your posts are not too long, I enjoy reading them as they are "differnet" and "interesting". Wish mine were so eloqent!!

Must be the cold talking, just recovering myself. Antibiotics have helped alot.

Knit on >^..^<

celticjig said...

I once had a dream of my math teacher sitting indian style (in a genie outfit) floating through the walls of my house. Your comments on yogi tea just brought this memory back. I may have to drink heavily now.
Next time call me, am fully stocked with all cold care teas my friend.
Need a hot toddy?

Will Pillage For Yarn said...

Your Yogi Tea commentary is hysterical. And so apt. Yet I like slippery elm, it's so maply.

I think you should post pictures of all these works in progress, that's what I think.

wylieeeeee said...

I always thought they should put those 'fortune' tags on tampons.
You know, "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese" kinda quotes.

Ragnar said...

That is so beautiful. Wow. You are a genius Wylieeeee.