Wednesday, March 29, 2006

In which Manimal knits, and Ragnar feels (slightly) better

While I was wallowing in self pity and misery yesterday….er…kicking the ass of this disease that has me under its power, I forgot that I promised to post about Manimal’s knitting school.

Yes. Manimal knits. Not very often, and he seems to use it as some sort of self inflicted punishment, since he curses the whole time and says “I hate knitting,” over and over until whatever it is that he’s knitting is finished. So far he has confined himself to hats. He picked up his latest project while I was in the throws of the extremely crappy hat. I think he was jealous of how miserable I was, and wanted to get in on the action.

A non-knitting friend ended up at my house post pillaging and plundering last Friday, and (as semi-intoxicated people sometimes do) started talking smack about how he could knit. “An ex-girlfriend showed me how, and I knit like a Mofeekey (sp?) until I got bored.” How long was that one might ask? “About five minutes.” Ahh. And as semi intoxicated, uhm, who am I kidding, entirely intoxicated people sometimes do we decided that it was time for him to relearn…starting with casting on. I tried to teach him a continental cast on, but it wasn’t going very well. He kept interrupting with irritating questions like, “wait, how did you do that.”

Which is when Manimal stepped in, Manimal who had been at work late, had not meet up with us for pillaging and plundering, and so was entirely sober.

(first lesson)
Manimal: First of all; no put your yarn down. Say “Fuck” as loud as you can.”
Non-knitting Friend: FUCK!
Manimal: That’s all there is to it.

(Beginning to cast on)
Manimal: You make a loop and put in on the needle.
Non-knitting Friend: By golly! You made a loop and you put it on the needle.

Non-knitting friend: (regarding the ball of yarn with suspicion) It’s got two ends, a ball end…and another end.
Manimal: (holding up the shorter piece of yarn) Loose end – tail.
Non-knitting Friend: So that’s the magic part?

(After a few minutes of “cast on” training”)
Manimal: So did you make a stitch?
Non-knittng Friend: Nope, I made a mess.

(A few minutes after that)
Non-knitting Friend: FUCK!
Manimal: What happened?
Non-knitting Friend: I’m just testing.
Manimal: Glad to see your keeping up your form.

(After initial cast-on success)
Non-knitting Friend: I just made “a thing.”

(After more cast-on success)
Non-knitting Friend: I’m casting like a mofeekey, but how far do I go?
Manimal: Do a bunch and then count them.
Non-knitting Friend: Count them? FUCK!

(After Manimal notices me taking notes on a random piece of paper)
Manimal: Are you doing math?
Ragnar: Nope.
Manimal: Are you making notes for your blog?
Ragnar: Yup.
Manimal: Why would you want to do that?
Ragnar: I can never remember when I’m sober what you guys do when I’m drunk.

Ta-da! So anyway, if you ever want to teach one of your drunk friends how to knit, you can drop them off at our house, because there’s an experienced teacher in residence.

And I also promised a review of the “TV-b-gone.”

This thing is awesome! They cost about $20, and they look sort of like those “boop-boop” remotes that people who drive new fancy cars get to have on their keychains. Basically it’s a universal remote control that only sends “off signals.” At one point we had every TV in the bar shut off for about 20 minutes before anyone noticed. You get to feel all secret spy like while you’re doing it because it sends out about 60 different remote codes, and you have to keep it aimed at the television the whole time without seeming like you’re aiming a remote control at their television….very sneaky. If you decide that you want one (and why wouldn’t you?!) get the “newer” model because it allows you to “double click” the button to prevent it from flashing in a distracting, and attention attracting way. It also lets you restart the turn off cycle by repressing the button half way through so you can turn TV’s off faster. This is going to be my universal present for all occasions.

Manimal said that he got both of the behind the bar TV’s with one click…what a pro!

When I got home yesterday, I flopped into my comfy chair, and Manimal asked how I was feeling. “I don’t even feel like knitting.” I muttered, and he knew it was serious. I did muster the energy to spin for a couple hours though. I looked at my spinning wheel with all three of its bobbins empty, and said “Fuck it, I’m sick and I don’t want to spin that nasty ass linen that has to be all damp and clammy and makes your fingers cold. I’m going to spin the fabulous fire colored wool/mohair fluff that’s been languishing in its tub of unspun fiber for the last month. And I did, and it was great.

As you can probably tell I’m feeling better today. The congestion has moved down into my chest so I get these great hacking coughs that cause my co-workers to regard me sympathetically, so I still get all of the pity without feeling so much like ass. I’m going to work like a “mofeekey” as non-knitting friend would say, and leave early so that I can pack for the trip. Yes! The trip. No Ragnar until Wednesday! And when I return I’ll be full of Kerouac style “on the road” anecdotes; the speed traps of Pennsylvania, the excitement of the Chinatown Bus into New York City…and much much road trip knitting.

Ragnar….foot loose and fancy free


Inky said...

oh i could so fuck with my neices, husband and brother with that gizmo. love it. and have fun.

Imbrium said...

Oh, how I want the TV-B-Gone! I quit watching TV three or four years ago, and it's the best decision I've ever made. I never really realized what utter crap TV is until it was gone. TV in bars and restaurants irritates me to no end - there's nothing like trying to have a conversation with a friend and realizing they're staring over your shoulder at some stupid sports game.

Will Pillage For Yarn said...

I want that gadget. That could be SO MUCH FUN.

I do admit to watching my share of TV here and there when it's just me - it is one of my little knitting white noise things, but I hate it when I go OUT and there is TV or if there's a family gathering and someone flips on the TV. Everything in its place, please.

Beverley said...

Hmm I agree as I am rather deaf TV's etc drive me nuts in places where lots of people are talking!!! End up not been able to hear anyone much.

How much and where from??? Could we get ones to work on noisey bands and or discos!!!

Hope you have a great trip and feel better soon. Looking forward to hearing about it.

Knit on >^..^<

Atla said...

Ooh, have fun on your trip. Your manimal anecdote made me spew my Cola.. the FUCK part. Hahaha.