Dum dah dum dum...

Cue ominous music. It's sort of hard to take a scary picture of a sock, but I think foreshortening is photographic code for spooky.

So there's Manimal's first sock. I had to reknit the heel once, and the toe once, but that's pretty much on par for me and sock knitting.

But the spooky part comes in here:That would be one the heel flap of the second sock. I thought at first that I was just distracted, because I was knitting at birth class (you have to go to birth classes, because otherwise you won't know how to have a baby) and they were showing videos of newborn babies "rooting" response. Basically a baby will find the nipple on it's own if s/he is left alone, but watching a 20 minute old baby flop around and peck at it's mother's breast until it comes up with a nipple is singularly hilarious. I now think of my unborn son as the naked mole rat baby. Anyway, it was very funny and I thought it was conceivable that I had miscalculated the number of stitches in the heel flap. But I knit it twice and still not the right number of stitches.

Then I knit it twice more when I wasn't at birth class and still not the right number of stitches.

How is this possible? These socks are possessed. Actually every sock I've ever knit is possessed because this always, always happens. Perhaps this is why I avoid knitting socks.

I am sock cursed.

So what do you do when you are sock cursed?

Well I don't know what other people do, but I'm going to weave. This whole process is thusfar misleading, because the first inch and a half is to straighten out the warp so that you can weave the "real" thing, and the second inch is the "hem" so that you don't have to have fringe....not that I really have anything against fringe, but basically I have about 1 and 1 quarter inches of actual "blanket" here. Of course I was only at it for an hour and a half....not including the "warping." I'm sure the next 43 and 3 quarters inches will go much faster.Ragnar...I loomed!

Putting the "in" in Spin.

Woven Art has sponsored a "Knit in" every second Sunday almost since the store was started 2+ years ago, and I always try to go. Recently the third Sunday has become "Spin in" Sunday, as well as any 5th Sundays that might come along. In spite of the fact that this was MY idea (not that I'm a greedy, credit monger or anything, but it was) I haven't been able to make it to one yet.

Until yesterday that is.... In case you can't recognize me, I'm the one with the 9 month pregnant belly...and to my right (that would be your left) is Sarah of Handknitter fame, notice that she is knitting, not spinning. There are many other knitting celebs of course including some sewing night regulars, but none of them have blogs and are therefore not linkable. But look! The comfy couch is empty, just waiting for more spinnerly goodness, and July is one of those crazy months with a 5th Sunday. You don't have to spin (apparently) so what's your excuse?

I do have some finished (ish, buttons don't count do they?) items to show, and an almost finished sock (the first one, but I'm counting it damn it) but I've had a crazy week. Check out the house blog to see what's been occupying my time (hint...my house is now a one story, a very breezy one story). I'm limited in what I can do during the heavy demo phase, although I do try to show up at least once a day for moral support, and because it's so exciting to see everything get destroyed.

This is Rat girl and my knee sitting in the backyard watching the roof come off, notice the knitting? I figure knitting socks for Manimal (his heart's desire at the moment, but don't remind him about that sweater that I promised him two years ago) is sort of like helping on the house right? My previous job was manning the burn barrel.

But the Fire Marshal stopped by and explained that burning tons (literally, we figure we managed to burn a whole dumpsters worth at least) of construction debris in your backyard is not really legal and that he would prefer it if we stopped. Sure thing, Mr. Marshal, won't happen again. So I am out of a job, although I hope to be of some use during the Con-struction phase, rather than the de-struction phase.

Ragnar...it's 'cause my belly gets in the way of the sledge hammer.

Summer yeech....

I'm finding out all sorts of things about myself this summer. Apparently I am the type of person who complains about the weather. I always assumed that I would be grey haired and feeble before I didn't have anything better to do than sit around and bitch about how hot it is...but really! I'm thinking of opening up the dashboard on my car and putting a little piece of black tape over the temperature gauge. I really don't want to know that it's 98 degrees outside. If anything it just make me feel more sticky and miserable.

So where do you go when it's hot and nasty, you're covered with drywall dust and insulation and your fingers and toes are all puffed up like little sausages? (okay, maybe I'm the only one who has to worry about that one). Where else but Hell?

Actually we go to a little lake that's just outside of Hell and we float around on those silly looking noodle things and generally just bask in the cool watery wonderfulness of it all. Then if we still need a little bit more "summer" when we're all shriveled up like pruney muskrats, we go into Hell and get an Ice Cream Cone at "Screams" which is as far as I can tell the only actual business in Hell. No that's not true, there's also a convenience store called the Hell Country Market that sells pizza and other convenient things, and is also the post office so that's where you go if you want to have something postmarked from Hell. There's also a little motel/hotel called the Dam Site Inn....but that's it, that's everything there is in Hell.

Ragnar...it's 90 freakin' degrees outside and I'd rather be in Hell.

From the secret "UFO" files:

This transcript was discovered in a plain manila envelope shoved under the door at Kevbot's house...it seems to be a secret government document concerning a rash of recent UFO (unfinished objects, since I know some of you bleaders are non-knitters) sightings, but I can't be sure. Some of the "exhibit" pictures look vaguely familiar however.

******************

Scary Government Agent Guy: What do you know about these UFO's Ragnar? We've been getting calls about "piles" of yarn around your house, and some of them are getting ugly.

Ragnar: The piles of yarn?

SGAG: Don't get cute with me pirate girl. What I want to know is why you can't finish what you start?

R: I finish things. Look at that picture marked exhibit 12A.

SGAG: What is that? Some sort of joke? What did those take you 15 minutes to knit?

R: I don't have to take your scary government agent crap, that's a finished pair of socks. A pair! Like two that are the same. I guess I could even count that as two finished objects if I wanted to.

SGAG: Oh, so that "pair" of socks that you've been knitting for your former co-worker, that's really one finished object and one ball of yarn? Considering that you don't even have the ends woven in on the one lonely finished sock, I don't think it counts for much. And what about those skully toe socks that don't fit in the toe and have needed reknitting for about two years? What would you call those?

R: Hey, if you want to talk about ancient history that's your problem. Both of those projects have been sitting quietly in the bottom of the basket without bothering anyone for a long time.

SGAG: Well then let's look at more recent history shall we? I'm counting three partially finished baby sweaters here Ragnar. Would you like to say something in your defense?

R: Hey! All of those sweaters are about 5 minutes away from being done. One of them only needs to be sewn up, one of them needs to have the arms shortened, and buttons sewn on, and the other one needs to be sewn up and have the buttons sewn on. Those sweaters are, like, done.

SGAG: They are "like" done, but the fact is that they're not done, are they?

R: Hey would you mind adjusting that light, it's shining right in my eyes.

SGAG: Just answer the question, are those sweaters done or aren't they

R: They're not done! Okay, are you happy? Do you want me to sign a confession or something?

SGAG: And what about the "free wool" sweater, and the "Celtic" sweater?

R: They're not done either! The free wool sweater has gauge problems, and the sleeve cables aren't matching up. And the Celtic sweater is a dye lot nightmare, and I just can't face them right now, okay? Gees. Maybe I'll finish them after the baby is born and it's not 90 freakin' degrees outside and there's a chance in hell that they'll fit me....why are you laughing?

SGAG: You just said "after the baby is born," as if you'll have all the time in the world. I just struck me as hilarious for a second there. But back to these UFO's isn't it true that you just started a pair of socks?

R: Hey, you have to talk to Manimal about that. He did all these crazy calculations and decided that he was being left out of the knitting loop and that with the amount of time I spent knitting, he should get some socks. He even started knitting a pair for himself, and I don't know if you know Manimal, but he HATES knitting, so the man is desperate for socks. I didn't have a choice.

SGAG: Are you trying to tell me that Manimal forced you to start a new pair of socks?

R: Yeah, basically. That was totally not my fault.

SGAG: Okay then, what is this?

R: That is a teddy bear.

SGAG: A teddy bear?

R: Yeah, a teddy bear? You got a problem with that?

SGAG: Well since it's obviously a UFO, yeah, I got a problem with that, little miss attitude. Plus I'm skeptical. That is one fucked up looking bear, and judging from the number of strings hanging off of it, there's a fair amount of finishing in that.

R: Yeah? So? I like sewing remember? I'm a quilter. I sew professionally.

SGAG: Which is why those baby sweaters are languishing away, unsewn and unfinished?

R: Is that all you've got? Because if so I'm leaving.

SGAG: As a matter of fact, I have some more exhibit photos here. Tell me what you think of A34 and 62C.

R: Those are both going to be frogged. That first one, that should never have been started. I was all on fire because I borrowed this Gansey book from Swift Black Betty, and had this homespun that I wanted to do something with. It's just not working out, it's going to turn back into yarn. And that second one, that's the little red riding hoody. I don't suppose I should have started that one either. If I had read the pattern I would have realized that there was no way it was going to look good on Rat Girl. I'm going to rip it out and knit something that will be more practical for her.

SGAG: So you admit that you have a problem with starting inappropriate projects.

R: Hey! You're putting words into my mouth. That is not what I said!

SGAG: What about this intarsia pillow? Is it true that you have 6 inches of I-cord trim left and that you've had that same 6 inches of trim left for about 3 weeks now?

R: Well, it's so close to being done that I didn't feel like I had to work on it.

SGAG: You didn't feel like you had to work on it...I think we're getting to the root of the problem. Let's see, according to my notes you have three pairs of unfinished socks, an unfinished "we call them pirates" hat, two as-yet-unfrogged ill-considered sweaters, three adult sized sweaters that you will work on "after the baby gets here," *snort* three infant sized sweaters that are "almost" done, one intarsia pillow that's "so close to being done that you don't feel like you have to work on it," one tangle of ends that you swear is a teddy bear, and oh...what's this on the bottom of my pile?"

R: Hey! Where did you get those photos?

SGAG: A loom! You have, by conservative estimate, 13 UFO's in progress and you decide to take up weaving? What kind of fiber fiend are you?"

*******************

That's the end of the transcript but there are definitely some pages missing. I'm just trying to figure out what it all means. Are they on to me? Is the UFO brigade going to freeze my account at the yarn store? Do those baby socks I knit last week count for nothing? What's going to happen when they find out about the "little monster hoody" that I have stashed at Woven Art? Maybe I should get off my ass and do some finishing. (shudder).

Ragnar...you try working in a yarn store and see how long you last.